Monday, June 1, 2009

A little about Me

I love you all in Christ Jesus!You are blessing me; I pray that this blog is more than just a blog to you because it is not just. It is God's love for you; he uses me to encourage you and I pray that he is pleased with me. Its never me; but all of God. I am just a young woman he loves God and wants to spread that Love to all of you; so that you know that you are not in it by yourself.

Briefly, I will tell you; I was not raised in the church, didnt know any gospel songs and still dont know those old hymns. I never blessed my food before I ate; I never woke in the morning saying, Oh haulelujah, thank you Jesus.

I was raised differently, my mother spoke of God; but we had no intimacy with God; we read the bible I remember on stormy nights, went to church a few times. I am saying, I didnt know God, to tell you the truth I was an angry child, so I had beef with God growing up because of the turmoil in my young life. However, I knew there was something bigger than me; Im inquisitive so I asked all those how and why questions. I looked and the sky and wondered; hmmmmmmm how?

Well, I foundout 6 years why and how and whom was responsible. I even learned the reason for my turmoil and still learning; I on my 25th Birthday gave my life to God and I have not looked back since. I am not saying I havent fallen in these 6 years some old habits were easier to break than others; but God loves to step in and pull out the ragedy. He has continued to pull out the old and put in the new.

I know a few Gospel songs now, I praise God more today than yesterdays past, I have learned what prayer, praise and worship are. I now tell others about God even my Mom and Dad; who didnt really teach me about God. I know God and the same person who was upset with God; now reverance God. I use to walk out a room when people would start to talk about him; I didnt want to be bothered; he I thought didnt care enough or why. So, I didnt care about him.

But there is a God, who loves, his mercy covers a multitude of sins; he forgave my mercy and like the shepherd leaves his flock to go after the one sheep; Jesus came looking for me at age 24 and I ignored but I felt something and a few months later after saying yes, Lord I here you; please forgive me for all the times I was mad at you; I repent Lord for my sins, please come into my life; I want you as my Lord. Thank you for wanting me. That ws the best birthday ever, I was born that day; I was a 25 year old baby in christ and I felt good to say God Im sorry and God began to put me in his hands and he took me like clay and he has been shaping me since. I know that the molding will not end as long as I am here on earth; I am not perfect; never will be in this life; but in the next; everything and every body will be perfect.

So, I have joy knowing that if I close my eyes tonight and Gods perfect rest overtake my physical body that there is a Perfect me to come and the clay has taken form. I didnt know God and for years didnt want to; Im being honest. I was a young girl mad at the world, my cards were not a good hand; but God had a different plan that I would become a different a different woman.

The woman would be different from the girl; the girl would die at 25 and the woman would be born and this woman would seek a new life, confused, with little to no understanding; but every day her heart would grow; a new flutter would stir inside and still being inquisitive she would seek more and the more she sought the more she fell in love with the Christ and the Father, the more she desired to be in this new family.

No longer the same; day by day becoming new, taking milestones, going through the ages and stages of development as a newborn then a toddler, now a adolescent knowing that full maturity will come in heaven; because as long as I breathe; God will still be working on me. But, this woman is willing, willing to at 3:45 a.m. to be sitting at the computer encouraging you; willingly to serve God by serving you.

I use to be suicidal from age 13-24;I use to wonder why my plan never succeeded; now I know God had a plan for me that during my despair and lack of wisdom and understanding; I could not see. Now, I know that God's plan should always be my prayer. Thank you, is always on my lips and in my heart because God said you will live and not die; I know the plans that I have for you. He kept me alive;12 years of trying to end my life and God kept me for this moment and I bless him for it.

The day I gave my life to God; I never had another suicide thought and I thank God; God gave my mind peace and my heart heals everyday; the scars vanish daily; God's peace is perfect. Weeping last for a night but joy comes in the morning. Please, I beg you dont give up; God loves you; he has a plan; a perfect plan. No weapon formed against me shall prosper; you should always speak that; God has it;the weapons will form but they will not prosper.

Okay, I said this was going to be brief but the holyspirit has its way; this is brief really because this is not the tip of my testimony but I just felt I should share with you today.

I love you!

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